Caring for the Caregiver

Caring for an elderly relative is oftentimes a thankless job. Whether your relative is suffering from Alzheimer's or the damaging effects of stroke or another debilitating disease, caring for an aging family member can be a trying experience - one that can test both your patience and your commitment to person you're caring for. Such struggles were documented in the appropriately titled "The 36-Hour Day," a book by Dr. Peter Rabins and Nancy Mase that is considered to be the preeminent source of how to deal with Alzheimer's patients.

For many caregivers, a typical day can seem like an exhausting and lonely eternity, one where the person you're caring for can neither empathize with your sacrifice or even understand the oftentimes dire nature of their own condition. Taking time out to care for yourself is entirely necessary, both for your own good and the good of the person you're caring for. A good way to keep your peace of mind and ensure the stress doesn't overwhelm is you to follow these tips, courtesy of the National Family Caregivers Association (NFCA):

• Take breaks. Caring for an ill or debilitated loved one is a full-time and often demanding job. Take frequent breaks, both to relax physically and mentally.
• Beware of your possible changing emotional state. Depression can frequently plague caregivers, who many times are left alone with the difficult person they're caring for, making it increasingly likely they'll begin to look at their situation as hopeless. If you feel as though you're growing depressed, seek help immediately.
• Accept help. Any time a friend or loved one offers help, take it. If people are willing to help, accept and try and offer suggestions for specific areas where they can help.
• Educate yourself. Gaining a better understanding of your loved one's condition will help make caring for them less stressful. Also, by educating yourself, you can better understand a doctor's advice, and you might be able to work with the doctor to make your loved one's condition more bearable for you both.
• Trust your instincts. Since you'll be spending more time than anyone with your loved one, don't necessarily take all advice as creed. If you disagree with the advice a doctor, physical therapist or another caregiver offers, let them know why and allow room for discussion. Your instincts will be right more often than not, since you spend more time caring for your loved one. Learn to trust those instincts.
• Take care of your back. Caregivers typically do lots of lifting, pulling and pushing, all of which can be brutal on your back. Rest your back whenever possible, and if it's hurting, ask for help. Unnecessary lifting, pushing or pulling should be avoided, even if your back isn't hurting.
• Grieve for your losses. Part of what makes taking care of a loved one so difficult is that many time illness comes as a shock, particularly if you're caring for a spouse. You might have dreamed of growing old and doing it together. Now that your spouse has fallen ill, allow yourself to grieve for that lost dream, while also dreaming new dreams.
• Realize you're not alone. In addition to possible family and friends to talk to, you also have many others in similar situations you can talk to as well. Reaching out to other caregivers can help you better realize you're not alone and help you share an experience that otherwise seem quite lonely.

For more information on caring for sick family or friend,
visit the NFCA Web site at www.thefamilycaregiver.org.